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Welcome to the fuzzy shag retro pop culture pad of Mr. Miller and Mr. Sharpadero. So slip on your favorite Underoo's, plop into a bean bag, and join the fun! Articles Take A Survey Cool Links Write To Us Post or Boast Free update Retro Headlines Link To Us
| Mr.Sharpadero: Let's talk remakes. Mr.Miller: What do you want to see as a remake? Mr.S: Let's talk 70s shows. How about ‘Starsky and Hutch?’ Mr. M: Hot dog! You got my ear, Mr.Sharpadero! Mr. S: I’ve already got a great cast in mind. Keifer Sutherland as Hutch, and Don Cheadle as Starsky. Mr. M: Cheadle would be good, but I don't know about Keifer. Mr. S: C'mon. Keifer thinks he's smooth. So did David Soul. Both are wrong. It's perfect! Mr. M: But, can Keif sing like an angel? "Don't give up on us, baby." Mr. S: Tommy Davidson could be Huggy Bear. Mr. M: Quentin Tarantino should be Huggy. Mr. S: No. Tarantino can be the chief. Sweet! I tell ya, I shoulda been a casting director! Mr. M: Chief? Nahhh, he's too whiny. Mr. S: That's why it would be funny. In this version they only have a mock fear of the chief. Mr. M: Hmmm. . . .John Amos has gotta be in there somewhere. We need to bring in the 70s Stars. Mr. S: Pffft! Forget the 70's stars! This is a remake! I bet you're one of those geeks who wished Adam West was in Batman instead of Michael Keaton. Mr. M: And there's something wrong with an old man in tights? Mr. S: I don't know about that, but you better not be wearing any when I drop by later. Mr. M: Crap. There goes my surprise. Mr. S: (Sounds of violent regurgitation). Mr. M: Anyhow, if Keif's gonna be in it, he's gonna have to work on his gluts--so he can crash 'em down on the hood of the car like David Soul. Mr. S: Ya know, you couldn't really do the movie version unless you set it in the 70's. Otherwise, you just couldn't have the cool cars. That sweet ride of Hutch's would look ridiculous for a pair of cops to be driving today. Mr.M: Yeah, that's the thing. Mr.S: See, you could still do the Dukes Of Hazzard today because I could buy two good ol’ boys driving a hot rod like the General Lee. Back in the sweet ol country were I come from , everyone has an old ride. Mr.M: Yeah, the Duke's country style is always in vogue. Mr.S: Redneck doesn't fade. Hey, there's a song title for ya. Mr.M: Redneck's are always rednecks. Mr.S: "They get redder every year / Hey baby where's my beer?" Mr.M: "Hey just forget to bathe." Mr.S: “Bathe?” Do you even know why a neck is red? It's sun burn, you goof. It's part of the "farmer's tan." Mr.M: That's where the tan comes from--a glint of sunburn, mixed with the dirt. . . Mr. S: I think you overpacked your pipe, Mr.Miller. Mr.M: . . .makes it nice and golden. Mr.S: That would be golden neck silly. Hmmm. . .maybe we should make a ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ style spy movie and call it ‘Goldenneck.’ ‘Little Jimmy Bond: Agent Five o' Ford.’ Mr.M: Get this--some guy on ‘Beat The Geeks’ didn't know what the General Lee was. Mr.S: What? I guess I could beat that geek then. Mr.M: And it was a simple question. You had a choice of three: movies, TV, music. All they have to do is guess if the clue is from one of those three. The clue was ‘General Lee,’ and the doofus said "music." How do you not know what the General Lee is? That's Geek TV 101!!!! Mr.S: Well. . .if you never heard of it. . .it sounds like it could be a country song. Mr.M: I didn't even watch the show that much and I still knew what the Lee was. Mr.S: How old was the guy though? Mr.M: All the contestants are gen x'rs. Mr.S: Oh, so its possible that he may have never seen the show. Cut him some slack. Mr.M: No slack given! The guy answered other harder questions about ‘The Jeffersons.’ Mr.S: I think it's completely reasonable and acceptable that he wouldn't know that. It's sad that such a testament to the quality of entertainment in this country doesn't have a stronger following amongst the younger generation, but they are not to blame. Mr.M: I think they need a good belt across the keister, if you ask me. Mr.S: Okay daddy, put the beer down and count to ten. Mr.M: They should be sitting in front of the tube with their TV dinner on a tray--just like any good American would do! Mr.S: Maybe you should walk away from the TV for a few hours a day. Mr.M: You sound like a commie when you talk like that! Mr.S: Actually all this talk about the Dukes has me thinking. . .Daisy Duke. Mmmmm!! Mr.M: Hot dog! Mr.S: Boy, I used to sweat bullets for that broad! Mr.M: I fired off a couple rounds myself. Mr.S: Ummm. . .that isn't what I meant, but okay. I'm glad you felt secure enough to share. Mr.M: Thank goodness for good ol' wholesome T&A;! Mr.S: Yeah, but they kind of gave you a mixed blessing because half of the time she would be in a two shot with old fat sloppy Uncle Jessie. It's like "yum yum yum - ewwwwwww!" Mr.M: I was always a little envious of that Uncle Jessie. Farrah had the hair, but Daisy had the bloomers! Mr.S: Well, Daisy was a bit after Farrah. Farrah was already fading at that point. Besides, Daisy had that country girl thing going; she looked liked she would do anything. Mr.M: Man, that's the look I like! Mr.S: Farrah looked like she didn't like to be touched. Mr.M: I like that look too. Mr.S: You like all looks. Pervert. I bet you like Paula Poundtsone's look, too. Mr.M: That drunken glint in her eye is very becoming. . . Mr.S: And Daisy has that voice that make you think she might have been smoking in the barn. Total skank. Nothing sexier for a teenage boy than a total skank who gives it away in the barn. Mr.M: Speaking of easy…what's a better make out mobile, though? The General Lee, or Hutch's Torino? Mr.S: There is no making out in the General Lee. That car is strictly for sexual rides. Mr.M: Hot dog! Mr.S: You go all the way in the General Lee or you don't go at all. Mr.M: The Torino's for romance? Mr.S: Hutch is the kind of guy who loves his car and doesn't want to 'spill' anything on the leather interior. Mr.M: C’mon, look at the way Hutch crashes down on the hood every episode--imagine what he does in the back seat! Mr.S: I think he gets the girl going and then takes her back up to his apartment. Actually, he probably goes to her apartment, so he can leave when he's done and doesn't have to worry about the chick not leaving. Mr.M: When he lands on that hood, he's sending a message out to all the gals that this car is for some serious injury prone smacking! Mr.S: No,no, no. I'm telling ya there's no action in that car. That hood stuff is like two pals roughhousing. Mr.M: Hutch, sure, he may take the ladies back to the apartment, but Starsky--man! That guy is just waiting for Hutch to leave so he can sneak a mafia princess into the back seat and make her sing soprano. Mr.S: Maybe. Especially if it's Hutch's car. Mr.M: Yeah. He'd soil it just to tick Hutch off. Mr.S: Right, what does he care? Those two are always semi-pranking each other. I can see Huggy Bear in the backseat: "Man! It sure is funky smellin’ back here!!" Mr.M: Then Hutch chases Starsky out of the car. " I just had the car cleaned! " Mr. Sharpadero: "Yeah, but I just hosed it down!!" And then the image freezes. This is pretty clever stuff, why aren't we writing parodies for somebody? Mr.M: Hey, how easy would it be to edit together tapes of ‘the Dukes’ and ‘Starsky and Hutch?’ The dialogue is virtually interchangeable. Mr.S: Too bad the shows weren’t airing at the same time. They could have done a crossover episode. That would have been cool. Starsky and Hutch get lost in the country and hook up with Boss Hogg to get the Dukes, but then end up finding kindred souls in the boys and call it off. Mr.M: First half could take place in the country, but the second half brings the good ol' boys to the big city, like Crocodile Dundee with rednecks. Mr.S: No, that would be next season. "You loved it last year when the city's hippest cops made their way into the Ozarks. Well, howww-dee! You're gonna go crazier than a tick on a dog’s patoot when the Duke boys go to the big city!!! Yeeeha!!” Mr.M: I see some nice scenes with Huggy Bear and the Dukes. And even better scenes when Huggy gets a hold of Daisy. Hoo boy!! Mr.S: "Mmm mmm mmm! Huggy Bear likes the way Daisy Duke looks in her Daisy Dukes!!" Mr.M: "Gee sir, do you think you can give my sis a job?" Mr.S: "No but she can give me one, oh yeah!" Mr.M: Let me grab a pen. We gotta write this down! | Sponsored by: | ||||||||||||||
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