After weeks of requests, Popcereal was finally granted an interview with the "King Of Toys" Ira Gobler. Yours truly, Mr. Miller and Mr. Sharpadero, sat down with the legendary toy maker in his grand New York City showroom. Gobler had recently recovered from his fifth heart-attack, but showed no indication of ill health. The feeble old man we had expected to find was in fact a playful dynamo. As he rolled into the room inside a Gobler's Wobbler, any fears he was past his prime were instantly allayed. While he stroked his neck skin from the chair opposite us, the following questions rolled out...

What's your favorite toy - Gobler and non-Gobler?

Oooh- start the interview with a tough one! I love all of my toys, but the one that really has a place in my severely damaged heart is the Arachna 500. It's the gun that uses sunlight to burn ants at up to 50 feet away. You might think this is weird, but I think those ants actually scream when zapped. I originally had them screaming in the commercial, but my wife made me take it out. As for any other toys I like beside mine, forget it. I ain't pluggin' the competition!

The Gobler's Wobblers were inspired by your early encounter with a drunken barroom brawl - did Darwin the Evolving Chimp come from a barroom experience, as well?

You got that one right! My best friend, Jimmy Durante, was known as an all-around good guy. But get a couple of Gin Rickeys in him and he had his big nose up every skirt at the bar. This one time at Sardi's he had a pair of Siamese twins convinced he could separate them with his nose if they went back to his hotel with him. They did. Jimmy was the inspiration for many of my toys.

On the subject of feeling happy, what is the favorite cocktail around the Gobler household?

Every night Greta and I have a Greyhound (grapefruit and vodka) with a twist of lime. It helps us forget that we're old and sometime leads to extended foot-rubbing.

If you were a tree, what kind of kite would get caught up in your branches?

It would probably be garlic-scented and giggle a lot. Hey, that's a good idea!

Mr. Miller was a hair too big for Big Wheels when they came out, and he always felt cheated out of that experience. Anything you felt robbed out of playing with?

I'd like to go back in time and be a lawyer. I'd represent the first caveman whose foot got run over by the wheel. Did that answer the question?

No, but the wheel motif is still present. Here’s an interesting scenario - Milton Bradley, the Parker Bros., and Ira Gobler get together for a round of poker - what would happen?

The Parker Brothers are notorious cheaters and Milton Bradley only plays for stock options. I'll give you a better game: Strip poker with Lambchop and Howdy Doody. When you take away the puppets, all that's left is hairy arms.

You say that Vinnie the Vulture is the first ever Vulture toy - any other first time-toys in the making, say, like a number-crunching table lamp, or something?

Keep this under your hat, but we're working on an opera-singing doll. She hits a note that will shatter every glass in the house.

Does Mrs. Gobler mind that her husband still plays with toys?

We're like two ships in the night, Greta and me. I could touch a lady's "fun bags" in public and she wouldn't notice, unless it somehow cancelled her Macy's card.

So, would you allow Mrs. Gobler to play with your toys then?

Not since the Arachna 500 incident. She went public that it could be a dangerous toy and that ended Greta's involvement with Gobler Toys. I've had security physically remove her from this office at least three times.

On a serious note - did Burt Reynolds really have to slap Dom Deluise around, so much?

Burt (forgive me for saying this, Burt) is a typical Alpha Male and Dom is very in touch with his feminine side. I think Burt has a lot of hostility towards women and Dom is an easy substitute for the fairer sex. Hence, the slapping. What Dom needs to do is fill a squirt-gun with Windex and let Burt have it in the eyes the next time he raises a hand.